Frustration

I would do almost anything to never have to deal with Alex's dad ever again. I'm envious of parents who get along effortlessly with each other even if it is just simply for the sake of their children.

My ex-husband has many issues and obstacles to deal with including being bipolar and I understand the challenges that that brings for him, but it's so hard to allow him to have a relationship with Alex and protecting Alex. It's sometimes a very fine line. He recently broke up with his girlfriend which adds stress to his life and accentuates the disease. I've been keeping Alex busy on the weekends, but his dad wanted to see him Saturday night and I allowed it.

When I picked him up on Sunday, breaking my own rule of not picking Alex up at his house, he was ready to pick a fight. As much as I've grown as a person since we were married, there is something that makes my regress to a broken, abused woman when I'm in that situation. I'm frustrated with myself for allowing him to once again, be more powerful than me, to hurt me, to hurt Alex, and bring fear to my world. What he did is unimportant - what I need to learn is what I need to do to keep Alex at a safe distance where he can know his father, but keep he and I safe. After being divorced from his dad for six years, one would think that I would have learned how to do this, but obviously, I'm still growing.